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Monday, April 14, 2003
Yeah, so this goes out to all the women readers of the Daily Grind. I guess that's pretty much Stacy, but maybe there are secret readers out there, who knows. A bit of advice. DON'T send your man to buy the pantyhose/tights/stockings/trouser socks/slash whatever the hell they are. Men think these are all the same thing. Panyhose, stockings, tights, I think I'm safe in saying most men out there just don't have a clue as to what the difference is. Am I right, mens? Yens, I thought so. So, before we went to see Nickel Creek play (YESSSSSSSSS it was good), Meghan sent me out to buy her some new tights type things. She gave me very specific instructions as to what to buy but I still managed to get the entirely wrong thing as you will see. So, I'm told to go buy Hanes opaque/nude tights in a certain size and a pair of trouser socks/knee highs in the same size. So, I go to Belk. Now, men, I don't know if you realize just how many freakin' things of pantyhose/tights/stockings/trouser socks/slash whatever the hell they are are available for purchase, but let me say, its a lot. I got there and found the Hanes. I found the right color. I found the right size. I thought I found the right things, but I was wrong. See, now I must say that part of my mistake was a complete misunderstanding of the word "opaque." I thought "opaque" ment it sort of let light through and you can sort of see through it, much like translucent. As it turns out, this is, in fact, very wrong and opaque means the opposite of translucent. I blame my ignorance squarely on a specific vocabulary test at Anniston High School. I'm quite sure we were given the incorrect answer on the test, but that's neither here nor there. I bought ultra sheer panty hose. This, too, it turns out is the complete opposite of opaque tights. The next part is really probably the funniest, and I must say that I feel just a little dumb about it. You may remember I was also quested to get knee highs. I did this. They were the same color, etc. The package said they were Hanes Plus Kneehighs. I thought plus meant EXTRA GOOD! Um, no. In womans world, it doesn't. You see, ladies, in man's world, plus does mean EXTRA GOOD! For example, there's a store in Greenville where we get our camera batteries rebuilt called Batteries Plus. In woman's worlkd, men, plus means EXTRA FAT. Do not, ever, under any circumstances purchace anything for your lady with plus on it. No where on the package of knee highs did it indicate that plus was the size. I could have figured it out then. But noooo, they make it part of the name of the product. Stupid Hanes. Then, while waiting in line to purchace said items, the lady behind me says, really loudly, "Panty hose, huh?" I looked at her and said, "They're not for me, really." Her husband then chimed in with her as they said in unison, "Sure." "Ok, they are. I'm planning on robbing a bank on my way out of here," I said. Everyone laughed, thankfully. In retrospect that may not have been the smartest thing to say, but I was flustered by all the different kinds of leg wear. Oh, and trouser socks are different from knee highs, but that's a lesson for another day. A Lesson PLUS! 4/14/2003 08:59:00 PM |
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